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I AM LOST IN THOUGHT AND SELF



I  have been wondering knowing you have been wondering too why I have gone incommunicado, silent, mute... for a month, a whole month without a single word from me -not even a copy and paste (smile)  Did I speak your mind, or our minds? Here is a true story of mine.
Hmmm....(breathing heavily). I took in to myself, into self reflection. I beg to be permitted to use the word "sober reflection" .
    Life has pushed me so hard and I have pushed back as best as I can, but She seems to be having the upper hand, each time I push it back at her and I smell victory she comes knocking me off my feet. Like a chess piece on a chess board, She knew my next move and was waiting patiently for me so she can make her best move.
  She has won severally in my emotional life, domestic life, financial life, biological life e.t.c that I have even forgot to count my age!
A single mother of one, life seems to be crafty and I have come to make up my mind with her that the prediction stops!, the merry-go-round of a ride ends now!
At this season I don't have a single relationship, I dislike my environment, I don't have enough financial flow like I should or anticipated for, Did I hear you say "Elohor na everywhere e dey" .
     Well e fit dey everywhere excepts Lorlor's (moi) corner. Like most of my friends including ex-es has used one stones to kill all the four birds mention earlier.
You may want to know how? like most I know, got married to a rich spouse, which in turn change their environment and their financial status which in turn make the biological clock functions properly- did I get you confused? Nahhhh, never mind; A little ponder on it and it will be known to you. And these persons are mainly guys, so I said to myself, "what a man can do, a woman can do it even better" (hahahaha - STORY!) My fellow women not in all cases ooo.
Enough of the digression, so I said to myself how did I get here?, and how can I get out?  After time in and out my spirit spake to me and I went down into memory lane, most which was hurting, painful, saddening, joyful, loving, romance, rising, falling, receptive , stubborn ....
     Each memory , was a force to be reckon and some a demon to be dealt with. In all, I was determined to make it through, no one understood me not even my folks and that its were the greatest of hurt came from but I was determined to scale through the deep of my mind and search for all things. A popular adage says " a problem known is a problem with its solution" and so I continued to search until one day it came, I found it! it was loved, it was welcomed, it is a quest I am ready to embark on BUT something strucked me, 'this something' left for me, I would dare but now the journey I seek I fear to sojourn.
     Please tell me what should I do?

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